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Money: The Uninvited Third Wheel in Relationships

Money: The Third Wheel in Relationships




When it comes to romantic relationships, the notion of a 'third wheel' often conjures images of an awkward friend tagging along on a couple's date night. Yet, for many couples, the most persistent third wheel isn't a person—it's money. Money plays a pivotal role in the dynamics of many relationships, and understanding its influence is vital for harmony and growth.


The Presence of Money in Relationships


Money has a way of silently permeating all aspects of a relationship. From the excitement of the first date (Who pays? Split the bill?) to the complexities of shared expenses in cohabitation or marriage, financial considerations are ever-present. Money decisions can symbolize deeper values, priorities, and desires.

Couples must understand each other beliefs, discipline, integrity, and goals about and around money. The relationship a person has with money can affect the byproduct of such. This means, if a person brings debt into a marriage, or heavy retirement account, those are just the byproduct of that persons relationship.


Why Money Becomes the Third Wheel


1. Different Financial Upbringings: People come from varied backgrounds, and what one person views as a financial norm, the other might see as extravagance or frugality. These differences can create tension.

  

2. Money as a Symbol of Power: In some relationships, the one who earns more might feel they have a more significant say in decisions. This can lead to an imbalance of power and feelings of inadequacy. This is the reason why I recommend for couples to divide their income and household expenses by percentage average to balance out the difference of income. (Coming soon in another blog)


3. Unresolved Debts: Student loans, credit card debts, or other financial obligations can feel like baggage in a relationship, leading to feelings of guilt or resentment. Part of the integrity process is to speak up before marriage, of if it was acquire during marriage, it is imperative to bring it up to the other person, and come up with an action plan. 


4. Financial Secrecy: Financial infidelity, where one partner hides purchases or debts, can lead to a breach of trust.


 Navigating Money Matters: Strengthening the Bond


1. Open Dialogue: Just as communication is key in any aspect of a relationship, it's crucial when it comes to money. Regular check-ins, setting financial boundaries, and discussing goals can prevent misunderstandings.


2. Shared Goals, Separate Identities: While it's important to have shared financial objectives, it's equally vital to respect each individual's financial independence.


3. Seek Financial Counseling: Just as couples might see a therapist for emotional challenges, seeing a financial counselor or advisor can help navigate the financial landscape.


4. Educate Together: Engaging in financial literacy courses, workshops, or seminars together can ensure both partners are on the same page.


5. Compromise: As with other issues in a relationship, compromise is key. Whether it's about spending, saving, or investing, finding middle ground will ensure both partners feel valued.


Embracing the Third Wheel


The key to dealing with money—the uninvited third wheel—is not to push it to the background, but to bring it to the forefront. By addressing financial issues head-on and weaving positive money management into the fabric of the relationship, couples can transform this third wheel into a driving force that propels the relationship forward.


Remember, money in itself isn't problematic. It's the emotions, meanings, and power dynamics associated with it that can create challenges. By recognizing and addressing these underlying issues, couples can ensure that their relationship thrives financially, emotionally, and spiritually. Marriages do not end due to lack or unbalance of money, but the lack of conversations, integrity, and different goals with it.

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